Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Enduring the Confinements...

Discontent is a tricky thing. It has the capacity to drive us forward, out of a potentially bad situation and into a better one. It also drives us crazy, making it nearly impossible to live in the present situation with any grace or finesse.

I should know. I've spent a fair portion of my life feeling discontent. Or maybe I'm just ADHD?

I know you're laughing right now. I am too. But it really is hard to distinguish between the "squirrel" phenomenon and a true heart that is always seeking new life and new challenges. I guess the line is blurred a bit.

We're getting ready to move. Again.

For those of you who have followed me for any length of time on my writing journey you know this isn't anything new. We've moved a lot over the last several years. And not just down the street, but big, sweeping, cross-country adventures. It's given me a unique perspective. One I wouldn't have otherwise and I definitely wouldn't trade, but the process does wear on you.

There's something about knowing you're leaving that makes you naturally focus on all the things you don't like about the current place you're in. It's what helps us leave I think - the promise of greener pastures - the leaving behind of that which is "old".

The same thing happens to teenagers as they get ready to graduate high school and look forward to college. Some call it "senioritis". That itch that makes you squirmy and unable to sit still until the year is over.

We're no strangers to transition. In fact, in the last year alone we've had a daughter get married and finish grad school, another daughter finish and graduate nursing school, a son get his permit and start driving, and another son getting ready to turn eighteen,  graduate high school and then prepare to go away to college. Now on top of all that - before summer is over we'll be moving - almost as far as possible, to the other edge of this beautiful country we call America. In fact, if we moved much farther we'd get wet...

And I've got senioritis. 

I like our house and our neighborhood, I love our community, and we've made some really great friends here. But my spirit is restless, and if I'm honest with myself it always has been. This passion I carry to be free and to fly with the wind is part blessing, part curse...

Amelia Earhart wrote a letter once to a man who had asked her to marry him. She was unsure about her ability to accomplish the commitment of a lifetime when she knew her heart so completely. She loved him, but was so brutally honest about her limitations... In the letter she wrote:

"I cannot guarantee to endure at all times the confinements of even an attractive cage."

I'm itching, yet conflicted. Confined and yet longing to spread my wings again and fly to new adventures. How do you live in the moment when you're in the midst of transition?

So much of this move is completely out of my control. I can't make any of it happen. I can't snap my fingers and complete house sales or dictate moving dates. But I am restless.

Maybe some of you know what I'm talking about.

Maybe you don't have quite as much chaos in your lives (at least, I hope not, for your sakes :) but you can certainly understand the excitement of living on the edge of change; the difficulty of enduring the confinements of a beautiful cage.

As wonderful and ornate and comfortable as a cage can be, it is always still a cage...and us birds? We were meant to fly free...

Lynda Meyers lives and writes - for the time being - in New York, but you never know where she's going to end up next! Good thing the Internet is stationary... sort of.